Why we should stop chasing love…

Well, in this blog post, I will discuss about love and why we should stop chasing it.
I know what are you thinking.
When it comes to love, everybody is an expert, right?
Ask a five-year-old kid or a man just stepping into a grave, both will lecture you like seasoned love gurus.
Well, If this is so? What stops me from imparting gyaan.
I too can opine about love, right? It’s a free country, after all.

Anyway, the topic is a bit different.
I am not gonna lecture you on what love is. I will instead urge you to stop chasing it.
Well, here, by love, I mean sexual love. Not the love between a parent and a child or a brother and a sister.

You see, the basis of sexual attraction towards a person you don’t know well is deception. Yes, you read that right. During courtship, men deceive women in different ways and women deceive men on a whole different level with a combination of far more complex tactics. Yeah, when it comes to women, everything is complex. Isn’t it?

Anyway, the point is, without deception, there can be no sexual attraction.
But this is not a concern. We all deceive. At our workplaces. At our in-law’s house. On social media. Etc.
The problem arises only when the foundation of a relationship is based on sexual attraction alone.

You see, we can’t hide who we are for long.
It takes time, but ultimately the facade is demolished.
That is why we see so many failed love marriages.
Everything goes well till the point you start living together. A couple of months, and the veil is dropped. From both sides!
That’s when the person one liked the most suddenly starts to appear utterly annoying and intolerable.

Now, I am not saying all love marriages end up dysfunctional or in a divorce.
Most of the people are so mature and accomodating that they work it out.
But you see, one can’t clap one hand alone.
Both the man as well as the woman have to be accomodating. It all collapse if even one of them is not willing to adjust.

The truth is – ultimately, every relationship is transactional. You can’t just take take and take and give nothing in return.  Balance and equity are what it requires for nourishment. Yes, you are thinking right. It is a very slippery rope, indeed.

So, marriage and relationship you see is ultimately a gamble.
That is why we should stop chasing love.
We should stop impressing that girl or that guy.
We should discard this blanket of pretence.
If it is gonna happen, it will.
Despite all odds. Despite everything. And with the right person. At the right time.

Remember, relationship is not about sex alone.
It is about companionship. So no matter at what age you find that right person, it’s okay.
Here is the thing.
The “self-proclaimed” experts who I often talk to, tell me this –
The basis of a relationship, the foundation of love should be friendship and not just sexual attraction.
From there it is one step at a time.
The friendship will evolve over time.
It will transform into something deeply spiritual. And ultimately these two friends will develop a sexual attraction towards each other.

Why is it different?
Because there is no deception involved.
There is no chasing.
It is something that happens automatically.
And because there is no need to impress the better half, there is no need for a pretence.
Which is why those who take it slow, are never disillusioned and disappointed in the end.

These are not my thoughts.
But of those who have been there and done that.
I am just articulating these thoughts into words.
So, folks, stop chasing love!
Stop impressing that person, you so desire.
Be who you are. Shed that veil of deception.
Begin your relationship based on friendship and not just sexual attraction alone.
And trust me, as my “love guru” friends say, it will all work out well in the end. 🙂

Please Note – This advice is also applicable to LGBTQ+ people.

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